Changed From the Inside Out

To understand why I write the things that I do, you really need to understand me and more importantly the change that has come over me. I was not always a preacher of the Gospel or even a believer. Once, to my own shame, I was what I like to call a "closet atheist," which is someone who is not willing to admit that he or she does not believe in God. That's who I was before March 14th, 1999, but that is not who I am now. How could I have gone from one extreme to the other? Well, let me explain.

Like many children in the Bible Belt, I grew up in Church, studying the Bible in Sunday School, singing in the choir, and performing in the Christmas plays. I even had a moment one Sunday morning when I followed my daddy to the altar and got cornered by the pastor there. I repeated whatever that man told me to say so that I could get back to my seat. Not only did that so-called "prayer" earn me a trip to the baptismal pool, but supposedly a free ticket into Heaven, no questions asked. I had become an official, card-carrying member of a local religious body, entitled to all the ranks and privileges thereof, but it was all an external veneer placed on an unchanged boy.

That boy became a young man and faced a whole new world of ideas beginning in middle school. It was then that my religious beliefs began to clash with what was considered popular and practical. Like many of my peers, I adjusted to fit into both worlds, which required considerable compromise, but mainly when it came to the religious side of things.

Then came high school and bigger moral choices to be made. That is when I discovered an intellectual escape from the moral bounds of my religion. Scientifically, I was taught that everything that exists came into being through one great cosmic game of chance called evolution. Many of my peers simply assimilated evolution into their beliefs and continued on their merry way, but I knew enough from those endless sessions at Church that there could be no happy mingling of what the Bible said and what the evolutionists said. I saw both the Bible's creation account and evolution as oppossing theories that could not both be true. I was not entirely convinced that either concepts were anything more than theory, but I had a choice to make regardless. In the end, I chose evolution and I did so for moral reasons. You see, if there was no such thing as God, then there was no overruling moral standard for my life. I could choose to live life my way by my own standards and that is what I did in secret for many years.

God very wisely let me go my way, to learn the truth the hard way about what life is really like without Him. I married my high school sweetheart, moved out of my parents' home, and began my own family. Instead of becoming happier and making the others around me happier, things only got worse. I became more self-absorbed and desparate to satisfy myself above all else. I found temporary satisfaction in what the world attracts the attention of young men with, particularly pornography, but found nothing that would permanently make me happy and satisfied in life. In fact, I reached the point where I tried to stop doing the things that were destroying my life, my family, and my integrity, but it never lasted for long. I finally realized that I was unable to change my life or situation on my own. I had reached the end of myself and my own willpower. Life had ceased to have any real meaning.

It was during this time that God gave me another chance, and not vice versa. I took my wife and kids to see a movie called "The Prince of Egypt," which was an animated Spielberg film based on the story of Moses from the Bible. I didn't consider the film to be a threat to my beliefs, or the lack thereof, but thankfully I was mistaken. God had a message in that movie just for me that struck to my heart. I saw myself and my life in those Hebrew slaves in Egypt. I was enslaved to my sin, to my lusts, and to my desires. I was trapped in self-induced slavery and just like God had delivered the Hebrews, He could just as easily deliver me. I tried to explain away the emotions that movie caused, but I could not shake them for days to come.

I spent the next few days alone and on the road, doing my job, but even work could not distract me. I thought that I was having a nervous break-down, or simply going insane. On one of those nights while I was out of town, I made a fateful decision. I knelt beside the bed, took the copy of the Bible from the nightstand, and spoke to God. No, I didn't ask Him to "save" me or anything like that at that time, but what I said did lead to my salvation, and a whole new life that I never could have imagined. I simply said, "I have heard people all my life that have said that You have spoken to them through Your Word, but I have never heard You speak to me. If You are real and You would forgive someone like me, please speak to me!"

Without delay, I let that Bible fall open on the bed in front of me. Believe me, I didn't go looking for a specific verse that I could apply to my situation. I simply let the Bible fall open on its own. Like most well-worn books, gravity caused it to fall open roughly in the middle of its pages. I looked down through my tears and the very first verse I focused on was Psalm 107:1. I was stunned. I could not believe my eyes. After what I had just said to God, that this verse would appear was nothing short of a miracle and a direct message to me from God! The Bible said, "Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever." (Psalm 107:1, NKJV)

All that night and most of the next day, I tried to explain it away as coincidence, but the chances that I would have accidentally came across that verse among the many thousands of verses in the Bible was a thousand to one at least. By the next evening, I had fully accepted the truth of my experience. God had spoken to me, promising me mercy. Mercy to me!

I scarcely knew what to do, despite all of my years in Church as a kid. So that is why I found myself going to Church on the very next Sunday. Once there though, the thought of going before all of my neighbors and family to admit that I had been a fraud all those years before kept me from responding to the preacher's invitation to come give my life to Jesus Christ. I returned the next week and listened to the preacher explain how Jesus came to Earth, how He took God's punishment for my sin upon Himself, and how He arose again from the dead to prove that He had succeeded and that He could offer a new life to anyone who believes. The preacher began the invitation, but again my fear of what others might think kept me from going. It was then, though, that many scenes from my life began to flow through my mind, reminding me of all the times before that I had felt God's calling in my life and had rejected. Somehow I knew that if I did not accept Him that Sunday morning, I would never get another chance. My desire for a real life that only He could give me, drove me to the front of that Church where I knelt at an altar and asked God to save and change my life. I can testify to you that my life has been forever changed since that day! Everyone who knew me before can testify to that as well!

Everything did not change for me on that 14th day of March, 1999, but it began to change. The change had been made at the deepest level of my life and began to work its way outward into every other aspect of my life. It continues to this day. I have experienced the truth of the Bible, when it promises, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV) My question for you is: Have you experienced the truth of that statement?

You can only place your life "in Christ," in the capable hands of Jesus, through having faith. God graciously forgives us for our sins when we honestly believe by faith, as the Bible says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works..." (Ephesians 2:8-9a, NKJV). Faith is not something vague or beyond logic. It is hearing the truth and then logically deciding to believe it, despite all reservations. The Bible explains that "...faith comes through by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17, NKJV). Faith that saves you from the punishment that you deserve for your sins, and that changes you from being a person enslaved to a life of sin, comes from hearing what the Word of God has to say about Jesus Christ! The Bible explains the decision that you must make about Jesus by faith, saying "...that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9, NKJV).

Maybe you do not think that God could forgive and change you even if He wanted to, but you could not be more wrong! The Bible promises that "...whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved" (Romans 10:13, NKJV)! That means whatever you have done, or whatever you have become doesn't matter. Jesus will hear you when you call on His name for salvation! The Bible explains the power that Jesus can apply to your life when you believe, saying that "...He is able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him..." (Hebrews 7:25a, NKJV)!

I believe that you can see from my life's story the truth of what salvation really means. It's not a religious term that points to a religious ritual, nor simply an emotional experience that a person can have. Salvation is about what Jesus has done to save us from a life of misery while we are living here on Earth and to save us from an eternal punishment apart from Him after our life on Earth is over! You will have God's salvation only when you believe in Jesus by faith, but don't forget the immediate implications of such a decision. If you do decide to trust your life into the hands of Jesus, it will never be the same again! I thank God for that fact!

"Dear Lord, I thank-you for Your grace! What love that you have shown me and my family. The life that I now live is truly lived by the power of Jesus Christ, as Your Word has said. Please continue to mold my life according to Your plan. Also, Lord Jesus, continue to change me from the inside out! Amen."